“The purpose of mentoring is to create the foundation for transformation.” – Angela Lynne Craig.
Ever found yourself under a tormentor who disguises himself or herself as a mentor? What was your experience like? Horrible? Terrible? I feel you because we all probably have such experience which must not discourage us from seeking for the right mentors!
From last week`s ATM, we identified one of the signs of a tormentor in disguise: warning signs to watch for. Here are the two remaining signs:
2. They Violate Boundaries:
Healthy mentorship respects personal boundaries. A tormentor doesn’t understand this. They push their agenda without regard for your comfort or well-being, often intruding into your personal time and mental space. Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book Boundaries, reminds us, “A boundary is not a wall; it’s a gate that needs to be guarded.” If someone constantly violates your boundaries, they’re not acting as a mentor—they’re becoming a source of stress and burnout.
3. They Downplay Your Success:
When you succeed, a true mentor celebrates with you. But a tormentor will downplay your achievements, minimizing your victories or framing them as their own. Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If your so-called mentor consistently diminishes your wins, you’re probably dealing with a tormentor who sees your success as a threat rather than something to be glad about.
The Mentorship Advantage: Discernment Is Key
Knowing the difference between a mentor and a tormentor is a powerful skill that will greatly impact your growth. A mentor will build you up, help you develop independence, and celebrate your success, while a tormentor will control you, violate your boundaries, and diminish your achievements.
As Warren Buffett wisely said, “The best investment you can make is in yourself.” Investing in discerning the right mentorship can be the most valuable decision of your life. It will propel you forward, helping you navigate your personal and professional growth with confidence and clarity.
Don’t settle for anything less than a mentor who empowers, uplifts, and encourages you to become your best self. The journey to success requires guidance—but only the right kind of guidance.
Author and Executive Coach Eric Parsloe said, “Mentoring is to support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may maximize their potential, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the person they want to be.” The mentorship advantage is indispensable, and mentorship really matters!
